Blood was trickling out of the mouth, wings, and the body of the sparrow. The shards have penetrated just where its heart and lungs should have been. The air gun bullet has destroyed one of its wings. Shalini shivered. What a start to her new year! She looked at the cardboard that is now covering the broken part of her window. She thought of the tiny grave in her backyard. Her eyes welled up with tears. She looked at the “Note” app and deleted all entries under “New Year Resolution”. Then, she typed one word– “Care”.
He looked up and saw the dark clouds in the sky. “Cumulonimbus,” he muttered. Just then, his phone rang. The specially assigned ringtone told him who the caller could be.
“Hi sweetheart! What are you doing?”
“I am missing you,” she said.
At that precise moment, the first rain-drop landed on his shoulder.
He picked up his half-full bottle and poured the water down the sink. He had the habit of stocking fresh water every day. He put down the bottle on the table and moved tp the bathroom. Three buckets need change of water.
Somewhere else, a 10-year old was trudging forward tightly holding his empty water-can. He reached the nearest well after an hour. The dry pit looked back at him. Tear drops rolled down his cheeks, and he gathered them in his can.
Confused and almost on the verge of breakdown. Sometimes, your dreams crumble in front of your despite your best efforts. There is nothing that can subdue your pain and distraught. You would feel like shouting at the top of your lungs and destroying everything else in the world, but you also know that the vacuum will still not be filled, and you will ultimately wait for a deep sleep, hoping that you never wake up.
I don’t know whether I really have anyone close to my heart anymore. It seems like I am losing everything that I hold dear just like slipping sand between fingers. Hours this dark has come only once in my life before this. I sailed those, somehow. I don’t know whether I shall be able to do the same today. Right now only void and silence remain the only reality.
I don’t know why people look at depression as if it’s a plague. It’s definitely something that one should try to get out of, as soon as possible. But let’s face it; everyone sooner or later goes through a span of depression. Therefore, there is no point in struggling against it; one cannot run away from emotional weaknesses, and depression is one of them. Now, it’s something that can be checked. Yes, visiting a psychiatrist is one way of handling it, and another is to make an attempt to find ways to address the issues that has caused this emotional crisis.
This exercise of location the cause of depression is very important. If you let it linger, then the emotional turmoil will soon affect your physical well-being, and that’s something we shouldn’t let happen. But we also need to accept the fact that in the present society, where success is measured in the form of materialistic comfort or earthly possessions, depression is a part of our life. No matter how much try to run away from it, it will catch up with us. The best way to deal with it will be to face it head on.
Once we have understood the reason of depression and have taken steps to counter it, life will become much easier to live. Though it may sound a bit philosophical but, everyone will not get everything in this world. Dissatisfaction and heart breaks will remain, but still we will have to move ahead, because that’s what human life is all about. I know from personal experiences that this is easier said than done, but acceptance of this fact will make life easier. The only thing one needs to do is try his or her level best in achieving their dream. This all-out effort will also act as a deterrent to depression.
When you are down, the only thing that is often left with you is your ability to take shit. You take all kinds of shit day in and day out. It often seems that your life has become a big collection of excreta. This is the right time when you stand still and look back to take a stock of the people around you- friends, family members, etc, etc. Chances are you will find no one behind you, except your own shadow. It is your shadow like your own self will remain with you forever, sharing your shitty days and nightmares.
You will often twist and turn in your bed looking for a way out from the mess, but most of the time you will get up as clueless as ever and ponder over the meaning of all this. Your experience will also tell you not to be emotionally dependent on anyone. Such dependence brings misery and heartbreak. A rage will swell inside, and you will want to destroy everything. But at the end of the day, you will be utterly spent-mind, body, and soul.
So, what is this life’s worth? It completely depends on your experiences and how you handle them. You can sit down and curse them all, or you can pick yourself up and fight back. You can take yourself to such a height of performance where no one would look down upon you and where you do not have p care for anyone’s opinions. Our success will give you immunity. It will give you the ability to tell the world “Get lost”! Till you reach there you keep moving; you keep taking strategic steps forward; you live and die for your own victory; you breathe for yourself, because it’s your story. You are the central character, and you must win. You must make the ending happy-happy for yourself.
Why am I so scared of death? If death is the ultimate peace and is a route to freedom from pain, then why do I find it hard to go through it every time I want to. That night all those knives were within my reach, and yet I was unable to execute the thought of slashing my veins. Yes, though the thought was there the guts to go along with the action was not. Why do I love my worthless existence so much? Why am I still breathing, when all I can get are pain and failure? Why is this indomitable thirst to carry on with the life? Why do I still want to keep living and experiencing this humiliating existence? I have hit my personal low here, it seems, and only death can deliver me. I am waiting for it. I was also thinking if I should try to snatch a gun from a security guy; at least he will not hesitate to shoot me. Shooting I believe can be an easy way out, and because it will be difficult for me to take my own life otherwise, this will be the next best thing I can do. But even that is not easy, it seems.